Chicagofatphil

BIG DAY FOR ME

Having children is both a blessing and a challenge. Just because they are your children does not guarantee their love or affection. As a parent who believes he cares, my children have been less then enthusiastic in their understanding of my leaving their Mother. They blame me for all their troubles rather than looking in the mirror. Instead of getting into a he said she said, I want to get into what I believe to be a big day for me.

My son Adam, who is most like me biologically, not in the weight way, but as I was when I was his age. We had some problems that snow balled into a lack of contact, for a year, and I was devastated by the snub. There was some validity to his complaints, but not to totally shut me out. Again, I am getting into that slippery slope that I did not want to do, so back to my statement. He actually confided in me with very personal things and he had not done that in many many years.

Much to my amazement, I relished in this opportunity, and instead of trying to give him my advice, I decided to listen. It was fun and I loved every minute of it. I stopped being a know it all and let him vent.

I hope this is the beginning of many more talks and learning more about my son. He has a lot to say and for once I will let him say it!

Peace and Love
CHICAGOFATPHIL

PICTURES PICTURES PICTURES

When I was young picture taking was not as easy as it is now. It took planning, effort, and taking the time away from the event or happening that you were wanting to put into posterity. We had to buy special film, right speed, and then develop them. So only the truly gifted people with wonderful foresight did what was necessary to make future trips down memory lane possible.

I see people today taking pictures of everything, at all times, and of whatever tickles their fancy. All they have to do is plug their camera to the computer and wow there they are. Print them just as easily.

I regret not having all the pictures that I want and not being able to look at my family at all stages of their lives.

In closing I want to strongly demand that you take control of your picture taking and take them of everything. So when you get to be my age and you have a melancholy moment, you can go to your computer and see all the beauty of the past. And the past will become important, I PROMISE.

Love,
CHICAGOFATPHIL

GUITAR MAN

When I was a young whippersnapper in high school I dreamed of being a rock and roll singer. I would spend hours in front of the mirror singing Elvis songs. I knew them all, and I knew his expressions and moves. LOL

I moved to Scarsdale N.Y. from Skokie Ill. and I immediately met a boy named Billy Schwartz. God, he was great, he could play the guitar like he was ringing a bell. He knew all the songs by the Ventures and actually he was better.

One time, at his house, I had him play the guitar over the phone to girls and friends, as if it were me. That was great, until my friends wanted to hear me play. What the F–k was I going to do?? What I always did, went to my Dad. I said I needed a guitar, and of course my Dad obliged and the next day I got a Gibson with a sun burst face. It was beautiful, but I still needed to learn to play.

Billy showed me the basics, chords and things and I practiced until I could play in the band with him. I entered the talent show and we sang Teenager in Love. Boy was I on cloud nine. Within 6 months I was playing the guitar and singing songs to my girlfriends over the phone. What a fag!!

Of course I never did anything with it, just ate myself to this wonderful state that I am in! But, Billy has become a star in Denmark and most of Europe and he sure can play the guitar. Look up on youtube, Billy Cross Band and hear the great rocknroll music that he plays to this day, 48 years later. Go Billy Go!!! Love Ya all,
CHICAGOFATPHIL

SALT SALT AND MORE ASS-SALT

What is our biggest enemy? You guessed it, Salt. What, why do I say? well it KILLS! And we can’t get enough. We pile it on whether we need it or not.

What’s more funny than a person getting his meal and before even tasting it, pours it on. The more the merrier. The great thing about salt is even if the food item is not good, a little salt makes it palatable. Good food, somehow it makes it better.

Now it’s not just table salt we have to worry about, we have now have designer salts to choose from. Kosher salt is a craze and is used in many meat rubs. Sea salt is another. What, we just discovered sea salt?? Why only 3/4 of the world is covered with the ocean, so all of a sudden we cover potato chips, popcorn, pretzels, and everything else that needs salt.

It causes high blood pressure, causes the body to hold water, which hurts all of our organs, and makes our heart work harder. But ooooohhhhh so good those french fries with seasoned salt, dip our sushi in liquid salt called soy sauce.

We take those beautiful vegetables that God created and pour salt laden dressings all over and not only screw us up with salt, but fats and oils. What are we to do??

I’ll tell you what we do, WE GO FULL SPEED AHEAD, and flavor up our foods with every BAD, but good tasting salt infused topping, sauce, seasonings, we can find!! IT’S THE AMERICAN WAY! LET’S DIE TOO SOON.

Love
CHICAGOFATPHIL

p.s. Check out my pictures with my beautiful sweet corn covered with butter and SALT, SALT, SALT

HAWK TICKETS,I NEED THEM

BLACKHAWKS, I need them, If you are a season ticket holder and you are a fan of mine, please send along your info and we will deal over dinner, on me of course. Then you can see me in action.

CHICAGOFATPHIL

MY FAT BELLY, I CAN’T BELIEVE IT

We see ourselves very differently then others see us, and that is certain.

In the Hair replacement business, that I was in for 30 years, I was constantly telling people when they got their new unit,[I hate that term for it] that they look great in their new “do”, but they always thought it was too much hair. Why? Because they were used to themselves with very little hair and their eye was used to the old look.

That brings us to the name of this post, my belly, I can’t believe it! I look at myself and do not see the very large man that I am, but a guy who I know is fat, but just not that fat. LOL, who am I kidding, I am really big and I can’t believe what I see in the mirror. Not my mirror, in that one I am fine, it’s the store windows and car reflections. Wow, is that me?? No way, I am just big, not that big, Ho Ho Ho, Green Fatso!!

Love
CHICAGOFATPHIL

$ 100,000 LUNCH ??? WHAT A DUMMY LOL

Last September my Brother and I took my four sons and 1 step son to Lake Ponsette South Dakota, for a fishing trip. My brother and I went to this destination with my Mom and Grandparents for four years at ages 5 to 9.

It was for old times sake and to reminisce with my Brother and Kids. We went fishing everyday for a week, and had lots of fun. The first night we came in and everyone went to the cabin to clean the fish and cook dinner. I was still pumped and stayed on the boat and fished off the back of the boat. It was the most beautiful night I have ever seen. The moon was coming up to my right and the sun was setting to my left, with the two contrasting lights meeting in the middle of the lake on a bed of glass.

I was casting a white spinner bait when all of a sudden the water exploded and a loud splash of water flew in the air with a smallmouth bass flying in the middle of the moon. It felt strong and I knew I had a big fish on the line. As the fight wound down I realized that the propeller on the motor was at my feet and what if the line got caught in the prop?? I would lose this big fat bass, so I thought for a second and knew I had to jump in the water and walk the bass to the shore. I hesitated, for I knew that CHICAGOFATPHIL was very fat and how would I respond to this jump in the water, but alas, I had no choice, jump or no fish.

I brought her up to my chest and as I had seen on bassmasters millions of times, grab the fish by the lower jaw and lift her up out of the water. WOW, success and I then slushed my way to shore. I yelled for everyone to come and see my prize and to weigh it to see if she was as big as I thought. Guess what?? Thousands of dollars fishing equipment and I forgot the scale. I could drive to the official weigh station about two miles away, but everyone wanted to eat and finish preparing dinner. I looked at the fish and estimated 7 to 8 lbs. I watched plenty of smallmouth bass caught on TV and though she looked big. I had seen larger caught on the tube so I said “fuck it” and went up to the cabin to clean her and fry her up.

It still bothered me that I did not know what she weighed, and so at lunch at the local bar restaurant weighin station, I showed the owner, who lived on the lake for 40 years, the picture of the fish. He said that she sure looked big and I proceeded to ask what the state record was and his answer was, “6lbs 11ozs. WHAT?? How big does mine look? He looked at all the pictures and tried to use my body to judge the length and weight, and said, “looks like you might have the record, where is the fish??” We all said in our stomachs. I said, “Why was it worth much??” He laughed and said,” About $ 100.000 in cash and prizes from the State and tackle companies.”

It is a certainty if I weighed a normal amount and was not so lazy I would have made that trip to the weigh in station and found out if we had the most expensive fish lunch in the history of South Dakota. LOL $ 100,000 divided by7 equals about $ 15,000 per person. What a joke!!

Good eating to you all
CHICAGOFATPHIL

p.s. A PICTURE OF THE FISH IS TO YOUR RIGHT IN MY PICS, SO THIS IS NO FISH STORY AND MY SHIRT IS STILL WET FROM MY DIP IN THE LAKE

ARE YOU FAT??

If you are, this is for you. What is more fun then eating your hearts content of your favorite food?? You know you are full, yet you just keep on stuffing yourself with no regard for your waistline or your comfort. We get no oral gratification other then putting that big chunk of beef in our mouth or the banana creme pie flying down our gullets with the sweet taste we desire to no end.

My close friends, who I wish only the best in their lives, just opened a bar in Chicago, Lockdown Bar on Western ave, Today was their soft opening and I had to be the first customer. I had lots to eat and washed it all down with a desert that their chef invented. Fried dough filled with bananas, white chocolate, and covered with cinnamon and vanilla ice cream. OUTRAGEOUS!!

So all you Fat People out there, if you have no will power, go for it, all of it and what the FU-K difference does it make, we all die in the end anyway, WE JUST DON’T DIE BEAUTIFUL.

CHICAGOFATPHIL

WHO CAN REALLY DRIVE LIKE ME??

NO ONE!! That’s who. I have been a wild and crazy driver since high school, but always under control. Rarely taking chances that were dangerous to my health or the beauty of my car.

I have had almost every make of car except the one I really wanted or desired. I have been really lucky in my life and have had Corvettes, Porshe, Jaguar, Mazerati, Bentley. Rolls Royce. and of course Cadillacs and Lincolns, but never my dream, a Ferrari. Because I had these machines, I always felt their strength and power and drove them accordingly. Much to my surprise I was good and the partnership between man and his car was really paramount in my life.

In 1968 I had a brand new Corvette Stingray with a 427 ci v8 with 435 horsepower. It was actually a 1967, but new @ the end of the year. $ 4040 out the door, can you believe that LOL.
I was drag racing another Vette on the Eden’s expressway @ 2 am when a State Trooper was catching up to us while we were doing 130. I was with a friend and he said Go Go go. but I couldn’t do it and pulled over at the next exit. The copper got out and we heard him say ” the one we wanted got away ” while talking on his radio. Apparently, the other guy raced all the time and always out ran the coppers. He came over to the car and asked to see my license, and it was here that my sales ability first rose it’s ugly head. I said in my best and most convincing voice, ” officer, my Dad has a very bad heart and It’s a serious Jewish holiday[ Yom Kippur] and that it wouild kill him if I was arrested. Now, I was going from 0 to 130, coming to complete stops and doing it over and over, AND HE LET ME GO!!!!! I may be the only kid in history to be let off about 10 different tickets in one stop.

Now I drive a big fat Cadillac and the only fancy driving I do now is to go out to dinner, but I still think I can drive. As I cut off one car after another they are all swearing and yelling at me as they go by,” Hey Fuck You Fatso! ” Wow, is that all they have got?? Going by a Big Fat guy like me, and they all come up with such an original response, Fatso.

So. if a big fat guy in a dark blue Cadillac goes by cutting you off please use your imagination and come up with an original insult.

Love you all,

CHICAGOFATPHIL

P.S. My Dad lived another 34 years, thank God

GAME SHOW “JUNKIE”

Growing up in the sixty’s and seventy’s we did not have all the fabulous technology that we have today, What did we do?? We watched game shows. They were really fun and we fell in love with many of the celebrity guests.

In recent years cable TV has a network called, The Game Show Network, in which they play many of the great game shows from the past, and some new ones. But the old replays are what really turns me on. Looking at the beautiful, sexy, and witty female guests brings up my fantasies from the past.

So, I decided to use the technology at my finger tips and Google some of these guests from my past. WHAT,WHAT?? Please tell me it’s not true. They are OLD.WRINKLED, and worse, DEAD!!

WHAT AM I TO DO?? I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO HAVE THAT TRYST, OR MEET AND FALL IN LOVE. Oh oh, that means I must be old, wrinkled, or, well, I am not dead, [not yet] too.

What’s left for me to do?? Easy, have some new fantasies, with new guests, and start all over. Who knows?? I might run into one of those sexy celebs and they might have a fantasy to be with a fat, old, and bald guy. One never knows, crazier things have happened.

LOVE
CHICAGOFATPHIL