My children ask me, Dad why do you have a website depicting you as if you are proud of being fat. I usually laugh it off and tell them that it’s just something to do.
Actually, it’s a great question. There isn’t a fat person in the world that wouldn’t give anything they own to be thin or normal for their height and age. For 35 years I was in the hair replacement business and invariably I would interview bald or balding men and women. When I would discuss their hair loss they would pretend that they were comfortable with their appearance, and would do everything they could to persuade me that they were happy and wouldn’t mind staying bald. Then why were they in a consultation with me to a replace their hair?
No one is really honest with themselves all the time. And one of the things that we as human beings do is lie to ourselves on a regular basis.
In answer to my children’s question, I know I am fat, but since I apparently am not able to do the right thing and lose weight,I try to make fun and this helps me get through the tough times. I do not like being obese, but if I am, I might as well do the best that I can.
My website allows me to express myself and make fun of myself at the same time. I hope I make it easier for other large, fat, and obese people to cope with their problems by being able to laugh. Occasionally, as in this blog, I get a little serious, but we all need to do that sometime.
There is a theater in Chicago called Second City. it is where many young hopefuls get their start for such famous programs as Saturday Night Live and in many movies.
I have four sons, and one of them in particular seems to have great natural ability for the delivery of comedy. I tried to get him to sign up for the school at Second City, but as good as he is with his delivery, he is as bad as someone who is bashful. Those two situations don’t go hand-in-hand.
I tried to talk him into it as many fathers might try to do, and I even drove him to the theater to pick up the literature and application for him to begin. He didn’t come with me without some complaint, but eventually he yielded, and we went to pick up the papers.
He had two weeks to look over the brochure and sign up for his class. Every few days I asked him if he was going to sign up and I got the same answer, maybe.
Well the day has come and gone and my son did not sign up or try out. Someday when he is my age he will look back at this and wish he had. But there is nothing a parent can do short of putting a gun to their heads, that can make children see or understand the experiences that come with age.
He is a funny man and makes everyone around him laugh from deep down, but only his family will ever get to enjoy his true abilities. Can you believe, Me, the loudest guy in the world, has a shy son. Go figure.
Whatever he does with his life I’m sure He will enjoy it, but only a few make it big On TV and the movies, and he could have been one.
Blob, big blob, fat blob, or just plain blobby. That’s what people call fat people like myself. Sure we are called many other things and if you’re like me you kind of get used to it.
But I just came upon an animal that truly is a blob. It is called a blob fish. It can be found off the bottom of the ocean near the mainland of Australia and Tasmania. These animals live in the depths of the ocean where the pressure is many times that of sea level. Most fish have a gas bladder that keeps them afloat, but these crazy animals have no gas bladder because at these depths it would be inefficient.
To remain buoyant, the blob fish is actually a gelatinous mass, with a density slightly less than water and this allows the fish to float above the sea floor without having to swim. It seems to serve no purpose, other than to amaze people like me.
I have enclosed some pictures of this unbelievable fat blob and you will see what’s so amazing about it is that it looks just like an old man. It has a face with a nose and the characteristics of the human. Magnificent isn’t it?
What’s even more remarkable is that this animal, that has absolutely no use to man, is becoming endangered because it is getting caught in the fishnets of the commercial fishermen. What hasn’t man tried to screw with?
An hour ago David, who is like a son to me, brought me the equipment that allows me to do my blogs without typing. All I have to do is speak into the microphone and it types the words automatically.
This is the most amazing thing to an old guy like me, it allows me to use my thoughts and not worry whether I am typing correctly or spelling correctly or doing anything correctly. All I have to do is worry about making a clear and fun blog for all of you to read.
If I had this equipment, even though it was available, sooner, I would be blogging nonstop. I hope that this will be good for me and for all of you, as I will be able to look at this as fun and not work.
I wonder what the technology will be like when David is my age. It boggles the mind that this is available to clods like me, who have no experience with these technical gadgets,and not even knowing that these things exist. Too bad this will probably put a lot of secretaries out of business.
In closing, I promise all of you that with this new technology that I have at my disposal, that my blogs and my videos will be more creative and enjoyable for all of us.
The Weiners Circle is a very famous hot dog stand here in Chicago. Must be noted that it is very successful. On a Saturday night, open until 5 am, it takes in lots of money.
It has been in business for over 20 years, so it’s very well known how well it does. One Saturday night the owner Larry [Glicht] was closing and counting the till. It was customary to put the money in a paper bag and take it home with him nightly. Glicht lives directly across the street.
This particular Sat. was very busy and he had to pre-cook the hamburgers to keep up with the pace. At the end of the night he had a few
left over and he decided to take them home AS NOT TO WASTE THEM.
Unknown to Glicht he was being watched this night from the 7-11 kitty corner to the stand. He was being “staked out.” When all was done Glicht locked the doors and started to walk across the street to his apartment.
Much to his surprise, and fears, a big guy stuck a gun in his ribs and asked for the bag of money! Glicht, who is not the smartest guy in the world somehow kept his composure, and said “here is the bag, please don’t hurt me,” and the robber ran off into the night. He knew that he had a bag full of thousands. He must have thought how smart he was.
I wonder how long it took the robber to stop and tear open the bag to count how much he had just gotten away with? He must have been shaking with the nervousness of the robbery and the anticipation of his haul. But guess what? That’s right, Glicht kept his wits about him and gave the robber the bag with the left over burgers! LOL this guy must have gone nuts! Can u imagine planning, stalking, and finally actually carrying out the robbery, only to find a bag of burgers? At least he didn’t go hungry,GOD, I WISH I COULD HAVE BEEN THERE!
It was 11:20 PM and Gene n Judes was closing @ 12. I got a call from P.J., Adam. Brian, and BG, they had been drinking. What a surprise! They had to have G and J hot dogs and only I could get them there on time. B.G. said I couldn’t do it in time so a gentleman’s wager was made. 100 says I could.
I picked them up at the now famous LOCKDOWN BAR and we started to fly down the Kennedy. using the shoulder for my persoal lane. Hitting speeds of 100 mph , it was going to be close but I was confident. I got off at River rd and by all estimates I was going to make it by 2 or 3 minutes. I could taste those greazy fries already. I had the benjamin spent too.
But the best laid plans of mice and men, 3 blocks from the store. I caught a freight train and it was going ssoooooooo slow I knew we were done.
Then all of a sudden P.J. jumped out of the car and Adam followed, What were they doing?? Oh no, these 2 idiots were going to hop on and off the train to get to the other side, right between the coupled cars.. They disappeared into the night and after the train finished, I drove the last few blocks to discover they were the last to be let in and ordered for all of us. We slugged down 2 double dogs a piece with fries and a large grape.
Now the question arises, did I win or didn’t I ? Since we did get to eat does that qualify as a yes or no? Technically no, but I filled a complaint and said my son Adam finished the trip on legs and I should win. They paid me off with a crisp 100 dollar bill. Only true professional eaters would have even tried to make that run, and that is exactly who CHICAGOFATPHIL is.
It was the winter vacation of 1965, and I was on my way to Miami with friends, driving that horrible drive from NY. We stay up all day and night to get there as fast as we can, God forbid we miss 5 minutes of babe time. Making the drive as dangerous as we can by speeding and not sleeping. Those southern Po-leese don’t like us northern boys.
We got there, settled in to our seedy motel and flew to the beach. How fast can we get laid?? 60’s free love was real, and we didn’t die if we didn’t use a rubber.lol You poor guys now, gots to have a rub!
My buddy Jeff and I got to the beach, spread out our towels, put on the baby oil and iodine, like that worked. It was like basting a turkey before putting it in the oven.
In a matter of minutes a babe of zophtic proportions came sashaying by. Wow, this was my dream, but I lost the coin toss and Jeff was first. [damn] He was successful and he had a date for that night with her, but what about me?? As it turns out she had tickets to the,” impossible to get tickets for,” The Beach Boy’s Concert. And I know she liked me as she was giving me the eye behind his back. She offered to take me if I were to accompany her cousin. Well, duh, that’s a no-brainer and we made arrangements to pick them up at her house that night.
We got ready, bought our gum and threw on the cologne,[Canoe] and I couldn’t wait, she had to be beautiful, just look at her cousin.
We got to her home, and what a home it was, big and beautiful, just like Scarsdale. Jeff rang the door bell and we waited for an answer. The door swung open and there was an angel, Jeff”s date. She invited us in and said her cousin would be right down. I was filled with anticipation, I just couldn’t wait. Ten minutes went by and I figured she was just primping, and then I heard her coming down the stairs. All of a sudden there she was, my heart was in my mouth. GOD, SHE WAS UGLY. A SIGHT FROM HELL!
“This is my cousin,” she said and I replied.”what, this is impossible.” You are so beautiful and she is ghastly. I couldn’t believe I said that in front of my date, but she was so bad and I was so disappointed that I could not help myself, and I continued on and on. I insulted this girl all the way to Miami Stadium.
At this time the Beach Boys were in the top five groups in the world and to see them was worth almost anything, but now I was not so sure. If you were to watch the Match Game and Gene Rayborn asked the question,” My date was so ugly,” and the audience would say,” How ugly was she?” It couldn’t be more perfect. You know she is ugly when the usher takes you to your seats, and he say in a whisper to me,” What happened Man?” You know she is the worst.
I will never forget that night, and all of you better realize that things you want are not always worth any sacrifice. I would rather have been at the strip checking out the girls. Don’t believe that famous line from that song, Never make a pretty woman your wife. Just the opposite, pretty works for me!
The show was only fair, they sounded poor at best. Maybe it was me as I couldn’t believe that I was there in the coolest city in the world, and I was with one of the ugliest girls in the entire country.
Having children is both a blessing and a challenge. Just because they are your children does not guarantee their love or affection. As a parent who believes he cares, my children have been less then enthusiastic in their understanding of my leaving their Mother. They blame me for all their troubles rather than looking in the mirror. Instead of getting into a he said she said, I want to get into what I believe to be a big day for me.
My son Adam, who is most like me biologically, not in the weight way, but as I was when I was his age. We had some problems that snow balled into a lack of contact, for a year, and I was devastated by the snub. There was some validity to his complaints, but not to totally shut me out. Again, I am getting into that slippery slope that I did not want to do, so back to my statement. He actually confided in me with very personal things and he had not done that in many many years.
Much to my amazement, I relished in this opportunity, and instead of trying to give him my advice, I decided to listen. It was fun and I loved every minute of it. I stopped being a know it all and let him vent.
I hope this is the beginning of many more talks and learning more about my son. He has a lot to say and for once I will let him say it!
Blob, big blob, fat blob, or just plain blobby. That’s what people call fat people like myself. Sure we are called many other things and if you’re like me you kind of get used to it.
