WHO CAN REALLY DRIVE LIKE ME??

NO ONE!! That’s who. I have been a wild and crazy driver since high school, but always under control. Rarely taking chances that were dangerous to my health or the beauty of my car.

I have had almost every make of car except the one I really wanted or desired. I have been really lucky in my life and have had Corvettes, Porshe, Jaguar, Mazerati, Bentley. Rolls Royce. and of course Cadillacs and Lincolns, but never my dream, a Ferrari. Because I had these machines, I always felt their strength and power and drove them accordingly. Much to my surprise I was good and the partnership between man and his car was really paramount in my life.

In 1968 I had a brand new Corvette Stingray with a 427 ci v8 with 435 horsepower. It was actually a 1967, but new @ the end of the year. $ 4040 out the door, can you believe that LOL.
I was drag racing another Vette on the Eden’s expressway @ 2 am when a State Trooper was catching up to us while we were doing 130. I was with a friend and he said Go Go go. but I couldn’t do it and pulled over at the next exit. The copper got out and we heard him say ” the one we wanted got away ” while talking on his radio. Apparently, the other guy raced all the time and always out ran the coppers. He came over to the car and asked to see my license, and it was here that my sales ability first rose it’s ugly head. I said in my best and most convincing voice, ” officer, my Dad has a very bad heart and It’s a serious Jewish holiday[ Yom Kippur] and that it wouild kill him if I was arrested. Now, I was going from 0 to 130, coming to complete stops and doing it over and over, AND HE LET ME GO!!!!! I may be the only kid in history to be let off about 10 different tickets in one stop.

Now I drive a big fat Cadillac and the only fancy driving I do now is to go out to dinner, but I still think I can drive. As I cut off one car after another they are all swearing and yelling at me as they go by,” Hey Fuck You Fatso! ” Wow, is that all they have got?? Going by a Big Fat guy like me, and they all come up with such an original response, Fatso.

So. if a big fat guy in a dark blue Cadillac goes by cutting you off please use your imagination and come up with an original insult.

Love you all,

CHICAGOFATPHIL

P.S. My Dad lived another 34 years, thank God